My cast critique for the upcoming season of HGTV’s Design Star continues with Brooklyn boy, Bret Ritter.
I’m having a Separated at Birth moment. Isn’t Bret a dead ringer for former Rachel Zoe sideck Brad Goreski?
Photo: Getty Images, via NY Magazine.
If they really were brothers, Bret would be the brooding brother, jealous of Brad’s superior design talent. Despite having worked in the design industry since 1998, Bret has very little visual evidence that he has the taste level to back up a stint on the show. I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m guessing Bret made the cast of Design Star solely for his construction experience and his quirky personal style. It sure can’t have anything to do with these portfolio pictures…
A kitchen design from Bret Ritter's portfolio.
An okay kitchen, but to describe that backsplash as “lackluster” would be an understatement.
Restaurant dining room, from Bret Ritter's portfolio.
This is a really cool space, but compared to the rest of Bret’s portfolio, seems like an aberration. Wish I was seeing this caliber of design in the rest of his work.
Something that had something to do with Bret Ritter.
What exactly are we looking at here? Custom jewelry cases, i.e., rectangular boxes with glass lids and a clasp. Did Bret make them in shop class? Are we expected to be regaled by Bret’s design talent based on this?
Shoe display, as designed by Bret Ritter (and others).
Wow, Ikea floating shelves displaying shoes in a shoe store…as if we haven’t seen that a thousand times over. The bad snapshot isn’t doing Bret any favors either. I thought we were supposed to be perusing the portfolio of a design star? There is nothing original about this at all.
Bathroom designed by Bret Ritter.
Geebus, pleebus…where do I start? It is borderline insulting to try and pass off this photo as anything that should warrant Bret’s inclusion in the Design Star cast. First of all, any dude working aisle nineteen at the Home Depot could’ve put this room together. Secondly, the Hipstamatic look of the snapshot and the fact that the bathroom wasn’t cleaned before the photo was taken makes me feel like I’m looking at a crime scene photo. The roll of toilet paper in the picture is the last straw for me. I’m already voting this guy off the island.
BRET ON A BUMPER STICKER: Who did this guy sleep with to be cast on the show, anyway? His HGTV bio claims he’s a fan of mid-century design but I’m not seeing it anywhere other than his face. The bio posted on his employer’s website, which states that Bret’s been working in the world of “high-end construction” is misleading too, based on the photographic evidence provided by HGTV. Please tell me we either see real talent from Bret when the show premieres or that he’s the first to go.
Coming soon: We’ll take a look at the work of Cathy Hobbs, another Brooklyn-based finalist!